Saturday, November 10, 2012

Why Blog If Nobody Out There Cares About What You Have To Say??

Let me ask a serious question to all Bloggers out there, do you really think people care what you have to say?  

Obviously the answer is a BIG FAT YES, or Blogging would be as far gone as Betamax Machines from the eighties.      

So am I living in a dreamworld thinking that there are people out there that actually want to hear from me?  


Erin Melissa Apelu. 
Thirty-seven-years old. 

Former Ballerina turned overweight, over opinionated, wishful Author.  Yeah, I think I'm over-reaching drastically! 

Strangely enough, I really don't care if anyone out there reads my blog, because I've decided to write for me. 


When I started this blog (and the two others I have) I was writing to be like everyone else--a cookie cutter blogger. Back in May of 2011, I attended the LDStorymakers for the first time.  Literary Agent, Sara Megibow basically implied that if you want to be a successful author then you must blog!! Makes sense, right? Right! It does make sense. Even I'm smart enough to know that. 

At Storymakers I met a lot, I mean a crazy lot, of awesome writers. I was as giddy as a child in Disneyland except this was for a want-to-be author. And I was surrounded by so many talented published, and un-published, writers. The desire to be just like all of them surged like Diet Coke mixed with Mentos through my veins.--exploding everywhere.  

I would be successful, and popular like them. 

Four perfect days. Then reality set in when I came home and started a blog. Very few people cared what I had to say, and even fewer cared to comment on any of my posts. To make matters worse, I looked through the blogs of my new-found-friends,  like Erin Summerhill, Jessie Humphries, Peggy Eddleman, Taffy Lovell, and Julie Donaldson to name a few. I soon discovered what a real loser I was.  
I only hoped to be as interesting as them, and others that I met. They were all so beautiful, smart, and talent writers, who had so much to say. I was totally new that this. I didn't even finish college, and was known for being the 'dumb blonde' with crappy grammer.  How could I be a writer. 

Shortly after, Peggy signed with an AMAZING Agent, and this year Jessie did also. I however, after being rejected by my favorite agent, didn't follow through with my submission plans (and I had 3 request fulls). My worst fears were confirmed--I was a loser! 

Losers don't blog.

Honestly, I wasn't as commit to writing on my blog as they were, but I really did give it a chance to see if anyone besides them would comment or keep interest in me. They didn't. Unfortunately, I let this knowledge get the better of me and did what I knew best--STOP DOING IT! 

This past May at Storymakers I found myself almost depressed.  If it hadn't been for the awesome Julie Donaldson hanging out with me, and discovering that we had more in common than I'd ever imagined, it would have been an utter disappointment. I found myself distant from the other friends I'd made the previous year--and that is NOT like me!  They were popular, and really moving up in the writing world. Why would they notice me & care what I had to say? So I stayed away, went to bed early, and even left the conference before it was completely over (it was my dad's 80th birthday party at our house). On the other hand, had I not, I would never have gotten to know Julie--and we really did have a great time (especially watching video clips of the handsome, William Levy, on my laptop!!) 

It's taken many, many months of humble contemplation to realize it was totally my fault. I wanted to be them. I even found a pit in my stomach when I would see their blogs, or posts on Facebook of something fun they did together. I was use to being the center of attention, and with them I wasn't. I wasn't sure if I even existed in their minds. For me, it was Jr. High all over again, and for them they were just being, well--them! And I was jealous that I couldn't just realax and be me. Hey, If I did, maybe they'd like me! 

After a long eighteen-months of letting politics completely take over my life, I've decided I owe it to myself to be me again.  You see, I've never had a hard time making friends. On the contrary, people somehow are drawn to me--maybe because I'm like car crash in motion. :) So it's high time I stop trying to be like someone else and enjoy my own talents.  

If you've followed me through this disastrous post of rambling, I want you to know. I don't care if you read the things I have to say. I don't even care if you comment. Because I've realized that blogging doesn't need me (what do I know anyway?), but I need blogging. 

And to my awesome, talented, beautimous friends from Storymakers, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU!  You inspire me. You give me something positive to strive for!! And I'm done being jealous!  And I'm sorry if I've ever done or said anything to offend you.

I'm just going to write about me! 

I Love The First Snowfall

When the alarm sounded this morning, I quickly dashed out of bed to see what would be awaiting myself and my three Cavalier's as we stepped outside for 'potty time'. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed. There wasn't much snow. I'd expected more after listening to last nights news. After all, I'd seen days like this before, promising loads of snow that disappointingly turned out to be slush.

What a bummer. :(

Stricken with Multiple Sclerosis, a chronic illness with symptoms that flare when it's hot,  I welcome cold days (especially snowy ones).

After my usual Friday morning ritual of beautifying my mother, which consist of helping her dress into her temple clothes and curing her hair, the view from the bathroom window finally had some prospects and my spirits were rising.

I quickly showered and easily persuaded my always hungry husband to take me on a date to IHOP for breakfast. We dined over pumpkin pancakes, eggs, bacon, and hash browns as the snow continued to fall, increasing in fluffiness.

Later in the afternoon as I picked my daughter up from a friends, I saw many elementary school kids sledding down the hills in Murray, running through the snow, and even having a snowball fight with two LDS Missionaries.

As I drove pass, I thought to myself how I wished to once again be young and enjoy the snow without a care in the world. But the reality of my age, health, and remembering that I am still recovering from my total abdominal hysterectomy (look for that post later on--with freaky pictures included) quickly brought me to reality.

The remainder of my afternoon was spent on a date with my son, Dylan, enjoying the new James Bond movie, Skyfall--it was freaking awesome!!  But on the way home from the movie, the snow seemed to be more slushy than anything.  Finally at home,  I ended the evening snuggled on my bed with my daughter, Aryana reminiscing as though she was still four-years-old as we watched 'Barbie--The Princess and the Pauper', while loudly singing along with all the memorized songs.

Way passed my bedtime, I opened the back door for the dogs to do their thing one last time, and saw the beautiful fluffy snow back--the continuation of at least 30 more hours of snow. I feel confident enough to say that Fred, Lila, and Bella all seemed to enjoy it as much as I do!

Yay for winter!